Fat Jack, or Maturin's Lament

by Jeff Hunt

After Lewis Carroll – You Are Old, Father William

"You are fat, my dear Jack," Stephen said "It's quite true, 
And your girth just continues to grow; 
Yet you climb to the tops like the midshipmen do 
How you manage, I'm sure I don't know."

"As a lad," Aubrey said, "I learned well how to run 
Up the ratlines we all have to climb; 
And to slide down a stay was a great form of play 
Which, you know, I still do all the time."

"You do eat," Stephen said, "as I mentioned before, 
And do wonders with bow and a fiddle; 
But to drink without measure, though it gives you great pleasure 
Is no good for the fat round your middle."

As the captain explained, "It cannot be denied 
That I eat as conditions allow; 
I may run to excess at a feast in the mess 
But please give up this fight just for now."

"Give you joy," Stephen said, "yet you run back and forth 
And your weight is a cause for concern; 
So when Killick toasts cheese, savor just a bit please 
Moderation is what you must learn."

"I'm a glutton, I know" said the good Commodore, 
"At the table I'm surely no saint; 
Never mind my good fellow, just tune up your cello; 
I could diet, but just now I ain't."

"It's my view," Stephen said "you consume to excess, 
From soused pig's face to pudding of suet; 
They add weight like no other, so reduce it now, brother; 
Pray take this advice and just do it."

"There you are, my dear Stephen, I have heard your concerns 
And for now, that is surely enough; 
I must say how I feel, it's high time for a meal! 
Go below now, the sea's getting rough."